I have never seen any of the previous Deathstalker movies. Like for so many others, I assume, my only touchpoint with the franchise is Red Letter Media. I decided to go and see this, because it’s directed by Steven Kostanski and I liked Psycho Goreman, his work form a few years ago. Was it worth it? No. Not really.

Psycho Goreman might have a twisted, mutated heart, but it has a heart. Deathstalker. Not so much. Part of the marketing was that Slash (of Guns n’ Roses fame for the kids out there) acted as an executive producer, which makes this feel like he wanted this to happen, and some people just took the opportunity without thinking about it too much. So, any attempt at being clever or pulling heartstrings feels forced.

So, a necromancer has been waging a war against the empire that holds these lands. Not that we really see any of that empire, so we don’t really have a reason to care, but you know, they needed some story. Anyway, Deathstalker happens to come across an amulet which turns out to be very important, so he assumes he can get money out of it. However, that amulet is also the only weapon capable of beating the BBEG, so he sends his assassins to get it. Deathstalker comes across some allies and forms an adventuring party of sorts.

As usual, I do want to give some positives before getting into the negatives that massively outweigh them.

First, practical effects. There’s some CG, but not much. Of course, there’s likely some effects I can’t see, but the few obvious ones look very 80s. This could be seen as a negative, but I like it. Fits the aesthetic. Also, the creatures are similarly people in 80s style prosthetics.

Second, and I’m not going to explain this, but the way Deathstalker is able to fulfill the prophecy, is actually kind of interestingly handled.

Third… well, maybe that’s it. I can’t think of anything else. No, actually, I do have something: I really like parts of how magic is handled. First, we meet a witch who lives alone in the middle of nowhere. For some reason, she is tied to her chair with a chain. We never see her face, as she just sits there and we only see the massive chair and her hand. Soon after, a wizard called Doodad joins Deathstalker on his quest, and his usefulness comes mostly from the academic side of his training.

Negatives… First, the music is used so badly. Deathstalker gets this epic music, but since he is just a criminal at the start of the movie, that epic music is completely unearned. It might have fit the movie nicely, if they hadn’t brought it until the end where Deathstalker finally becomes the hero.

Second, most of the movie seems dubbed. Apparently it was shot in Ontario, but I assumed it was shot in like Romania and that was the reason for the dubbing (as they would have used local talent for some roles). They keep underlining this by holding some of those characters on close-up. This might have worked nicely on a small screen in the 80s, but on a massive screen, not so much.

Third, things just happen. Somehow Deathstalker knows there is an offer from the prince for the amulet. Minor spoiler: Somehow Deathstalker just knows that the weapon he needs is in the liquid in the cauldron. The whole thing has been formed like a true B-movie: story or characterization doesn’t really matter. You just need to do memorable things. Most of the stuff here just isn’t that memorable.

Fourth, this was specifically made for Slash. I assume he is a fan of the franchise, so the movie just kind of does fan service in a very clumsy way. Or I actually guess that’s not even true. Certain parts are handled like they are fan service. We get those shots like these people are someone we should recognize, but it doesn’t seem like those characters are actually from the previous movies. Except the witch. She was in the first movie, although the actor is not the same. Maybe this is some kind of a in-joke? I don’t know.

Fifth, the action: Since most of the enemies are covered in prosthetics, they can’t move very much. This means that much of the action needs to be pretty contained. There’s one where they actually try. Otherwise everything seems dangerous just because they are so grotesque. Being grotesque doesn’t really make for good action.

All in all, I can’t really recommend this. I’m trying to come up with something here, but this seems like a cash grab, but not even in the sense that they expect some box office return. but more like a grift where they took money from whoever invested in this. People of Ontario should really look into this. Allegedly.