That’s the real name. Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person. The original name is actually Vampire humaniste cherche suicidaire consentant, but despite my ability to remember movie names in their original language, this one I couldn’t. Just too long.

This is a Canadian movie from 2023, so pretty new. I was actually pretty convinced it was French, because it feels like a French movie. You know, the kind of humor and no real signs of English. Maybe Quebec (where I presume this takes place) is like that. I do know it is the only province that’s mono-French.

So, if you are one of those people, who take vampire lore very seriously, this is not the movie for you. Some things apply. They operate at night and their only source of sustenance is human blood. Otherwise, it’s… different. They have their own society. Not like some weird secretive organization, but a society in the way we are part of a society. They have their own doctors and therapists and family structures. The latter one is also pretty far from usual vampire lore. Sasha, our main character, starts as a child, but grows into a teenager after the prelude. Okay.

The prelude is actually her birthday. The family has hired her a clown on her birthday. When they get bored with the clown, he turns into takeout. However, Sasha finds herself unable to do it. In fact, it turns out, she can’t bring out her canines, which causes some friction within the family.

She only discovers her ability to use her teeth once she finds a young man, who is suicidal. I don’t quite get the logic here, but I guess I don’t have to. Of course, she doesn’t want to kill him, but her family is pushing her to make a living, so he seems like the optimal target. Of course, a movie needs to happen, so you know exactly what happens. Not that it really matters that you know. It’s a fun movie. Kind of predictable in places, but it doesn’t really matter.

I like their take on vampires. It has its own inner logic, which is different, but at the same time relies heavily on our society, so its immediately recognizable, but kind of funny in a pretty dry way. At no point is this a laugh-out-loud kind of movie. It is both fun and funny, but more in a cute way than raucous way.

I like how the moral ambiguity is kind of different from usual. The vampires are not really evil. Sure, they kill people, but they are not gleeful about it. It’s just their life. The bully is not a violent asshole like the ones in Let the Right One In, but rather just regular assholes, who think stupid “pranks” are funny. I like how one of the planned victims just ends up living with his to-be killer.

This movie hasn’t been seen very widely, so I’m quite happy to talk about this. This isn’t going to be a life changing gem of a discovery for anyone, but it is a good movie, if you are into kind of low-key horror with sympathetic characters.